Sleeping patterns and Gamer Gaydar

You ever go through a phase where your mind doesn't officially become active until about 11pm? Well yours truly is wide awake until four or five every morning?! Not much happens after midnight, unless you are out having fun and not cooped up in your room playing Bioshock 2 because you want to reach level 30 rank before you fall asleep!? So I have taken to having little adventures on the internet, finding random videos, cool little websites. With that in mind I decided that every time I find something of interest I will be generous enough to share it with you...my one reader! So as an intro into the rest of this wonderful blog, last night I found this: Don't worry it's not really offensive, it's very inaccurate but not offensive!

So this inaccurate but not offensive video got me thinking about gay video game characters, openly gay ones and no not your horny Sims.
Recently we've seen characters like:

Zevran - Dragon Age Origins - Openly bisexual elf assassin, pretty hot but short sex scenes with your male character
Leliana - Dragon Age Origins - Openly bisexual human bard, I don't really know about the sex scenes for the ladies, but my brother said it was pretty sweet
Sander Cohen - Bioshock - Gay, deranged homosexual splicer madly in love with Andrew Ryan
Hannah and Rayne - Fear Effect 2 - Lesbian couple, this relationship always felt like it was aimed at the straight guy gamer rather than lesbian gamer!
Your Character - Fable series - You can decide whether your character is gay or straight in the Fable series, settle down and marry the lucky fella or gal! You even meet other gay, lesbian or bi characters wandering the towns and roads of the world.

Ok so not a long list of characters there and I am sure there are plenty more openly gay characters out there... *cough* ... but there are certainly characters in the video game world that have set off a few beeps on our gaydars:

Cammy: Street Fighter IV and various prequels and spin offs. Butch British babe with some of the coolest moves this side of Western Hemisphere! (not as good as Chun Li though).

Tingle: Zelda Series, creepy guy who follows link around dressed as a fairy and sells maps! This guy actually kinda gives me the heebiejeebies...in an overly friendly uncle kinda way!

Raiden: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, the gaydar might have beeped but no matter how many times you made Raiden flip around the room naked he never let us see it! Oh and he knocked some chick up too so not gay or at the very least and this might be wishful thinking, bi-curious!

Samus Aran - Metroid Series - Ok so first we didn't even know Samus was a chick and then when we did we knew she had to be lesbian. She's too frickin awesome not to be! Bounty Hunter who kicks Space Pirate ass all in a cool space suit while dodging mother brains and blowing stuff up!

All fun and jokes aside though, it is pretty cool that advances in the gaming community are being made, as an avid gay gamer I prefer to play gay characters rather than just picking the girl character each and every time (face it Ian and Sean you will never beat me as Chun Li)! As the games take leaps and bounds in including minorities, we can only hope that forcing gamers to get the achievements for having sex with all characters straight and gay will lead to a more diverse and open gamer community rather than them screaming 'FAG' at me each time I get my ass handed to me in Shadowrun!

So Lady Gaga butt sexed Fallout Boy?

No this isn't some unfounded rumour, well to my knowledge it's not! I am just so ticked off when I turn on the radio or a music channel and every single artist out there has synth'd their voice! And it gets worse...

Lady Gaga butt sexed Fallout Boy

I'm sorry but I actually can't bring myself to click on that link anymore! It's not just the smooth and computer generated voice, the cool and hip electro noises and beeps and bops but the insane and ridiculous lyrics...

"Cause I'd Get A thousand Hugs
From Ten-thousand Lightning Bugs
As They Try To Teach me How To Dance"

I like creative and pretentious poetry and lyrics as much as the next douchebag but when did our standards drop so low that we actually make this a number one song?! I don't claim to know everything about music, in fact the vast majority of my friends would tell you that I have probably the worst taste in music ever - I don't care what Lady Gaga wore, I don't think Michael Buble is sexy and who the hell is Ashley Tisdale?! Gone are the days when music actually had some depth to it, when we sat in our rooms and sang along to Alanis or airdrummed to Nirvana hell we even liked Britney Spears back then! Now you don't make it big unless you call yourself something weird but provocative and synthesise yourself so much that it's hard to tell the difference between your latest single and a warning from R2-D2!

I know not everyone is going to agree with me, in fact many of you will think I am just talking out my ass but I am beginning to think that music has lost its soul.
When the Internet is crammed full of conspiracies linking the Gaga to the Illuminati ... you know that something is wrong.
Fuck she might be a musical genius but I know what I don't like and I don't like the music of today. No, I am not 63 years old but I am worried about our future, when we are all grown up and have our own obnoxious little adults screaming their latest fad singer's song at us who are we going to have to look back on and embarrass them with. Will we still be playing Miley Cyrus in the car? Singing Rihanna in the shower? Blowing dust off our old My Chemical Romance Cd's?

I'm not a psychic I can't predict the future but I'm not bothered, I'm just going to stick on some 'Christopher Dallman' (ie GOOD MUSIC) and rock back and forth in the shower until someone stops the all seeing Lady Illumati...

Porn and Qualifications

You wouldn't think they had much in common but in today's world they are pretty much the same thing - cheap and useless. Anyone with a video camera and a spare room can make a porn video? Anyone with half a brain can get a qualification?

We've become pretty desensitized to both! Nothing shocks us anymore! I've seen 'kids in a sandbox' twice oh and I have a masters degree. Ten years ago we would have been horrified by anything as graphic as the above clip and as deeply in awe of anyone who'd gotten themselves a half decent qualification but now everyone has seen it and everyone has one!

I find myself wondering if things would be different if I had done a different course, one where I could apply my skills, in the same way a porn actress has probably asked herself whether or not she should have doubled up and had a new skill for her CV. We doubt what we've achieved, we question our ability and we are demeaned by outlandish expectations of employers. You find the perfect job but then you realise you don't meet all the requirements. You have the honours degree, you have the creative flair and approachable personality, the drive and ability to work as part of a team but you don't have the 3 years experience! Oh well no job for you! If we shouldn't blame ourselves then who can we blame?

If you're a struggling porn star then you can easily blame Xtube! That little deviant with the video camera who filmed himself and his hack of a wife doing the dirty in the backyard have over 350,000 views. Why get paid to do it when others are putting themselves out there for free? So we too face a similar problem - while we were out there studying to get the qualifications there were people grafting their way up the corporate ladder and now beat us to the mark simply because they have the experience that we lack.
I am not saying there is no longer any point in getting a qualification or trying to sell porn, indeed there will always be a market for us and them but we have to learn to dress our qualifications up in the same way an actress can increase her assets size.

Well I for one won't be starring in any adult movies this side of the century but maybe we can learn something from the new porn stars - If you've got it then flaunt it but it's like my Mom always says "Homemade porn is always going to be cheap but you're achievements will still stand to you in the years to come!"

Hang tough and if you're bored you can always set up your own porn business!